Wednesday, January 07, 2004
Have been having a weird past few days, feel like I am spinning out from some social core or something and can't really connect with people. This is weird in itself cos being connected with people is not something I consider myself very good at doing anyway. It kind of creeps me out, this is why I have trouble looking people in the eyes, something I rarely do, cos then I can see them looking at me and ewww too much closeness!
This reminds of something I was thinking about at work today about simulacra and emotions/behaviour, not that I was getting very far and I'm sure some theorist type would slam me down in seconds, anyway, recently I have noticed that whenever I am feeling socially awkward or whatever I will just try to imagine what a 'normal' person would do and then do that. So, I was thinking that I wasn't being true to myself etc, etc, wank, wank, but then I thought really it is my interpretation of normal, not normal itself that I am acting so I am acting as myself after all. And then I thought maybe all those well-socialised, well-adjusted people out there have just got a different version of normal that they are all aspiring to also, or maybe they are just better actors.
This reminds of something I was thinking about at work today about simulacra and emotions/behaviour, not that I was getting very far and I'm sure some theorist type would slam me down in seconds, anyway, recently I have noticed that whenever I am feeling socially awkward or whatever I will just try to imagine what a 'normal' person would do and then do that. So, I was thinking that I wasn't being true to myself etc, etc, wank, wank, but then I thought really it is my interpretation of normal, not normal itself that I am acting so I am acting as myself after all. And then I thought maybe all those well-socialised, well-adjusted people out there have just got a different version of normal that they are all aspiring to also, or maybe they are just better actors.
